Located 7 km north of town, next door to wayward sibling Hedonism II and the tamer Riu Tropical Bay, this was the most image-conscious resort in Jamaica until the adjacent Couples opened. But not a lot of money has been pumped into this place since it opened with a media-intense flourish in 1989, and its claim to be "one of the most luxurious resorts ever created" is disingenuous. But it certainly appeals to its niche of starry-eyed vacationing Americans and Europeans seeking the trappings of luxury in an all-inclusive format. Guests accustomed to the conservative ways of classic Caribbean resorts may feel uneasy at this brash but undeniably glamorous hotel. It offers all the opulence and facilities of straight-laced Sandals without the restrictive policy of one-man, one-woman check-in. Guests arrive via complimentary transfer from Montego Bay airport, which is not free from the tourist trap, since a mandatory stop is imposed at an "independent" gift shop and bar.
Ten hectares of gardens follow a long roll of virgin beach. The entrance is impressive to those dazzled by palatial surroundings. A cascading pool backed by posh shops flanks one side, and in the octagonal lobby, skylight above, polished agate floor below, guests sit for check-in, drinks in hand, with top-notch art all around. Surrounded by trickling fountains and moat pools, the lobby entrance is an adventure in itself.
The lobby falls away to a series of dining rooms that cluster together: Piacere, a white-glove-service nouvelle-cuisine restaurant with piano accompaniment (jackets required); La Pasta, a casual Italian bistro with a changing menu and service until the wee hours of the morning; and an atrium cafe closed Monday and Friday. The reservation-only Japanese restaurant Munasan rounds things off nicely with another dress-code-enforced venue and a teppanyaki menu popular with American guests. Breakfast and luncheon buffets are on the main terrace, and dinner buffets are served Monday and Friday. Three snack stands flip burgers and lamp chops on the grill, but the real favorite is the Reggae Cafe, with casual evening fare offering up a local twist. Food quality isn't as haute as what guests might expect from the rates, but most are satisfied with the constantly available fare.
The nine watering holes include three with whirlpools that never close and an impressive champagne bar. The piano bar, Amici, is a relaxed place for a drink and a chat. A band plays nightly in a black-marble nightclub of Italian minimalist mien, and both laser karaoke and cabaret shows offer original performances daily. A casino is on-site, and the game room has a billiard table. A quiet library is a refuge for contemplative souls.
While 
the sun shines, nudity is one of the attractions here. The main pool lies on a boardwalk terrace with a south-of-France feel, surrounded by dozens of umbrella-shaded, cushioned chaise longues. A second pool encourages guests to go au naturel, as do one of five whirlpools and the Nude section of the beach (the Prude section does not). No worries, though, since the 7-mile coastline keeps everyone satisfied (but beach walkers beware). Nonmotorized watersports are included, but diving, Jet Skis, parasailing and catamarans carry extra charges. Two of the four tennis courts are lighted, and a gym and a full-service spa are on hand. Guests receive complimentary greens usage at the Negril Hills 18-hole golf course, but carts and mandatory caddies are not included. The M/Y Zein, the Onassis yacht on which Princess Grace and Prince Rainier spent their honeymoon, makes sunset cruises.
For those who think they can keep their mind on business, generous flexible conference space for 200 delegates is available. Use of it is fee-based. A cyber center grants Internet access for an additional charge.
The two-story terra-cotta-roofed accommodations wings run parallel to the beach, a design that permits sea views from all rooms. The air-conditioned bi-level rooms offer studio dimensions, phones with data ports, TVs, CD players, cassette decks, coffeemakers, 
stocked minibars, safes and mostly king beds (some twins). Decor is tastefully subdued, given the opulence of the public areas, and the hardwood furniture is island-made. Rich draperies swing back with elegance, and calming hues form the appreciated separate sitting area. Conversely, the spacious marble-clad combination baths are glitzy and provide hair dryers and generic toiletries.
Some of the nicest rooms are on the ground floor and open to the shore where the Zein is moored. Hacienda-style beachfront units are split-level studios with more elegant furnishings, with in-room whirlpools in some and eight-head showers in others. Luxury and Presidential suites boast outdoor whirlpools. Vacationers who do not want to see naked people strolling outside their windows should specify the Prude side. Round-the-clock room service and turndown are surprising features at an all-inclusive resort, with dry cleaning, laundry and even pedicures all offered at no extra charge.
Neither guests younger than 16 nor pets are allowed. Room service runs nonstop. This player runs smoothly thanks to SuperClubs' undeniable skill at glorifying conspicuous consumption.
